KWA (Kayaking While Angry)

Got some solid advice yesterday: "Chris, go get in your damn kayak." I was temple-throbbing, migraine-having, hyperventilating mad and I desperately needed to get away from work email and my phone before I did any more damage. So...done. I got in my damn kayak.


Whenever I leave my boat (or anything, for that matter) in the backyard, the neighborhood cat pisses on it, but even the the stench of that dripping on to my head as I carried my boat to the car did not increase my anger. I was redlined already. 


So, anyway, cut to the chase: by the time I got back out of the water, my anger had morphed into anxiety and remorse. So what happened? Was it the exercise? The interaction with the wildlife? The greetings the folks fishing from the canal threw my way? The fact that the geese on Prairie Creek weren't as bitchy as they usually are? It certainly wasn't nature bountiful spirit enclosing me in a infinitely loving hug that did it.


And I suppose it doesn't matter. The fact is I got into my boat and by the time I got back home all anger had dissipated and the "crisis" had been resolved. I guess part of it was that Newnan's Lake--ever-changing, moody Newnan's Lake--was something that lay outside my anger and the situation that precipitated it. Simply being on it shifted something inside me. When my son was an infant, I would calm his temper tantrums by giving him a hot bath. By the time he got out, without fail, he was his jovial self again.  This was kinda like that.

NOT A-Paddlin'

It's been almost a week since the bottom of my kayak has seen any water except the morning dew. And I am worn to a nub with work and its utterly insensible paperwork. And I am trying to get everything together so I can get out of the country again. And the dishes are piling up and the dog hair is gathering in clouds on my floor. FML, as the young-uns say.


Yet as I go down the checklist, all is essentially well with my life, at least in all the areas that matter. I mean, last night I got to meet and listen to one of the great rock and roll heroes (at least in my world), Mr. Mike Watt, he of the Minutemen and the author of the rock and roll ethos of jamming "econo." I have life, love, song, and health...

But I ain't got paddling right now. There is no feeling of dread, of unease, or self-pity that a good five-hour fight upstream wouldn't cure. Scaring the fish, dipping my hands in the cool water to get a better grip on my paddle, watching the green come back to river shore, marking cloud shapes as I settle back in the seat...I just don't know when that's going to happen any time soon, though, and I imagine I will be at loose ends until it does. Peace.

Straight Into The Teeth Of Spring

I knew it was going to be a great day on the river when I discovered the nearly perfect skull of a garfish right outside the door of my car. It now holds a prominent position in the Dead Animal Parts ensemble that now adorns my patio table. It stunk up the car mightily on the way back, but that was a small price to pay for a totem of a species that has managed to survive since the Mesozoic Period.

But back to world of the living. Anyone who says we don't have seasons in North Central Florida is oblivious. I was in this same location on the Santa Fe two months ago and all was stripped, barren, and black. Today, explosions of green everywhere...and it's not summer. So for future reference, this is what spring looks like here. The trees seem to know that there will no more hard freezes this year. It will be a few weeks before the gators move out of hibernation and start mistaking my kayak for a mating partner, but this is just fine by me.

The water was nice and high too. During my winter trip, the famed suckhole was a dry debris pit. Today it was draining everything but 14-foot kayaks. The rapids, which we chose not to "shoot" today, are open for business, too. There is an island about halfway down this run that has become my dream spot for a little cabin, hornet's nest notwithstanding, but this a state park and one of the best. Check it out: I know where some more garfish skulls are too, if you want one.


Note: I have really enjoyed the times I have taken friends out for these jaunts. If you're interested, let me know and I will make it happen, kayak and all.

"Final" Thoughts On Haiti

Ask anyone who has returned from Haiti and you'll hear the same thing: it becomes difficult to think about anything else. For someone like me who feeds on unsolvable problems, the obsession redoubles. Here's the paradox: Haiti is by far the dirtiest, most tragic, most dangerous place I have even been and the whole time I was there I couldn't wait to get back home.  I saw a crowd form around a freshly shot body near the airport, I saw a man bathing in raw sewage, I saw a child drinking out of the same sewer, I heard gunshots too numerous to count, I saw faces frozen in panic and hunger. All this and nothing a rational person would call hope for better days to come. Yet after recovering for a day or two, I began wondering how soon I could get back there. What is this madness? 

I am not alone. A friend of mine who has been several times knew exactly what I was talking about. And perhaps the only people this makes sense to are the ones who have been there, like Anthony Bourdain (who, in one hour of "No Reservations," nailed this strange attraction). I hung out with several ex-pats when I was there, some of whom have lived there for 30 years, and they refuse to live anywhere else. 


I am almost positive I will never move to Haiti, but why this pull to go back? For one thing, even in the face of all the death, in its culture and in its daily life, you are very aware you are alive when you are in Haiti. I've been to numerous countries and even in the worst parts, I felt safe, guarded from the dangers, a tourist. Not so Haiti. From the moment you get off the plane and make your way down the airport road (one of the most dangerous thoroughfares in Port Au Prince), you are in trouble--I don't care how many security guards you have with you. And if you're like me and shoot someone's picture who never gave you permission (as I did, stupidly), you just upped the ante and pray the car starts moving before he gets to the window. Like my friend Ralph, who finds it necessary to jump out of airplanes, the higher the stakes, the more alive I felt. 


Still people come and go from Haiti without dying all the time, so there must be something more to it. I think it hit me when I heard music and celebration down in Port Au Prince one night. Here are the poorest people in the world, people who live in the crosshairs of every natural and social disaster the world can cook up, and they are celebrating...what exactly? I have no clue, but it seems like a very serious matter for me to find out.

Re-entry

Re-entry's a bitch. What I forget about inhabiting a culture so vastly different than my own is that the shock doesn't happen when you get there, but when you get back. You expect and prepare for it going there, but forget all about what happens on the return. Along with trying to manage the hitchhikers I brought back in my GI tract, I was gobsmacked by coming back to the wide lanes and unguarded houses of Les Etat Unis. As any visitor to Haiti will tell you, trying to figure out the solution to Haiti when you get back is a non-stop obsession.

So, as soon as I conjured up enough energy to haul the kayak collecting pollen and pine straw in my backyard to the top of my car, I went for a quick jaunt out to a familiar place--Newnan's Lake. Technically, it's still winter, but the lake felt like spring to me. All the folks who depend upon the canal fish were in place, the flies were swarming, and the trees are showing ever the slightest signs of re-greening. The gators are still asleep, but they will return soon enough.

I'd like to say that this trip clicked me right back into place, but that would be a lie. Even though it was a short paddle, it exhausted me thoroughly and the familiarity did little or nothing to return me to my pre-visit state. This is not to say that it won't in the future, but today I simply went through the motions. 


Incidentally, from my perch in Port Au Prince, I couldn't help but scope out the dream kayaking that lay there waiting for me. Unfortunately, no kayaks (that I know of) exist in Haiti and the shores of the Bay of Gonave lay smack up against the worst and most dangerous slums in the world. 

Haiti, Pt. 2

The other night before bed, we heard the unmistakable sound of machine gun fire down in Port Au Prince. We learned later that a group of five Haitians were on the way back to the beach and got shot up by one of the gangs: one death and the rest injured. Safe--or relatively so--up in the compound, it sounded like the fireworks of celebration.


In the morning, we went from Petion Ville to the edge of Cite Soleil--one of the most dangerous places on earth according to the UN. Our destination was well to the west of the red zone, but anything can happen quickly here (our Security Officer used the metaphor of the frog in gradually boiling water.) 

We found our way to the distribution point toward the back of the tent city. Today's distribution was "hygiene kits" (a black pail, two blue 10-gallon jugs, and two bars of soap). Ten or so well-armed MINUSTAH (United Nations) soldiers patrolled the area and gathered closer as tension built at the front of the line. Fear of running out of goods is a constant concern and the situation can turn violent immediately, a situation exacerbated by the growing presence of gang members gathered around the back of the truck.  They were demanding hygiene kits despite having no coupons, as trucks were gathered outside the gates to buy them as soon as they were distributed. Once the truck was empty, we cleared out quickly, as instructed.

It was heartbreaking to see the proud, preternaturally resourceful Haitian people lining up and moving through, glad simply to have made it through today's distribution: old men and women in American novelty t-shirts, babies in arms, young women still trying to maintain stylish hair, all with cellphones. Stay tuned.